I set a goal in my calendar to write a blog post. Two weeks ago. So I should hold myself accountable and write something. But I don't really know what. I suppose I will simply share what the Lord has been teaching me lately.
1) I am learning that God can use dysfunction to challenge and grow me.
I am responsible to my reactions and attitudes within my circumstances. I can't always change them, but I can let God change me in them. He won't put me in a perfect, holy place in a fallen world, safe from drama, frustration, and ineptitude. He will expect me (and enable me) to become holy within the places of drama, frustration, and ineptitude.
2) I am learning that I am so much weaker than I realize.
When I look at what Christians (and those of other faiths) are experiencing in other parts of the world, I have panic attacks. I can't handle the thought of going through so much pain. My anxiety disorder makes me extra sensitive to such thoughts.
I think I'm this tough, strong-willed girl, but then I think about those facing such horrible suffering just for who they are. I just want to shut down. I want out. How can God allow--how can the saints celebrate--pain in the name of steadfast faith? How could the martyrs find such joy in dying for the Lord?
I'm learning that it was not on their own strength. And that God took over in some way. That it is--no matter how awful their deaths--a mark of the goodness and sovereignty of God that He is still in control in allowing such things to happen. That in the long run we don't have to be fazed because we are invincible in His arms. We can be killed and ground into dust, but He won't bat an eye. He made us from dust and we can be remade. No matter what, it's a second of pain for an eternity of wholeness and peace. It's only daunting as we still live in time.
3) I am learning that life is short and there's so much to waste my time in doing.
I bought a calendar and wrote the books I want to read and other goals for the sake of accountability--exercise, creative outlets, and even drinking enough water. It's far too easy to come home from a long day at work and sit in front of Netflix all evening. But it's my responsibility to remain in the means of grace, to grow, to take care of myself and my husbear. It's up to me to make myself available for God to fill me so I can fill others. I have to get over a bit of my introversion--not all of it--but enough to stop using it as an excuse to avoid opportunities to disciple people and be discipled.
So, there it is. Not much, but I thought I'd share.
1) I am learning that God can use dysfunction to challenge and grow me.
I am responsible to my reactions and attitudes within my circumstances. I can't always change them, but I can let God change me in them. He won't put me in a perfect, holy place in a fallen world, safe from drama, frustration, and ineptitude. He will expect me (and enable me) to become holy within the places of drama, frustration, and ineptitude.
2) I am learning that I am so much weaker than I realize.
When I look at what Christians (and those of other faiths) are experiencing in other parts of the world, I have panic attacks. I can't handle the thought of going through so much pain. My anxiety disorder makes me extra sensitive to such thoughts.
I think I'm this tough, strong-willed girl, but then I think about those facing such horrible suffering just for who they are. I just want to shut down. I want out. How can God allow--how can the saints celebrate--pain in the name of steadfast faith? How could the martyrs find such joy in dying for the Lord?
I'm learning that it was not on their own strength. And that God took over in some way. That it is--no matter how awful their deaths--a mark of the goodness and sovereignty of God that He is still in control in allowing such things to happen. That in the long run we don't have to be fazed because we are invincible in His arms. We can be killed and ground into dust, but He won't bat an eye. He made us from dust and we can be remade. No matter what, it's a second of pain for an eternity of wholeness and peace. It's only daunting as we still live in time.
3) I am learning that life is short and there's so much to waste my time in doing.
I bought a calendar and wrote the books I want to read and other goals for the sake of accountability--exercise, creative outlets, and even drinking enough water. It's far too easy to come home from a long day at work and sit in front of Netflix all evening. But it's my responsibility to remain in the means of grace, to grow, to take care of myself and my husbear. It's up to me to make myself available for God to fill me so I can fill others. I have to get over a bit of my introversion--not all of it--but enough to stop using it as an excuse to avoid opportunities to disciple people and be discipled.
So, there it is. Not much, but I thought I'd share.
Thanks for posting this, Leah! From the first paragraph's trickling honesty to the deluge of wisdom that followed, I have been blessed by it!
ReplyDeleteAw, thank you! Writing helps me process and solidify, so I'm glad some other good can come of it! :)
ReplyDelete