Theology Over Thrice Rewarmed Coffee

Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent” ( John 6:29, NLT). Daric (my fiance) keeps reminding me focus on Jesus and let the rest come.  Seek first the kingdom and all that jazz.  He's so right, but I don't want to sit back and wait--I need to find the balance of proactivity and trust.  Not doing so well with that this week.  I've been stressed and freaking out--no matter how hard I try to relax.  I feel guilty for not earning much money when we are in so much debt. Today, I suddenly have more options for jobs than I have in my whole search.  None all that perfect for me but things I can do.  I need wisdom and grace to figure out the best thing to do--the timing of all of this is insane.  It may involve some risk-taking. But for now, I need to breathe.  To be still and know that the one who gives names to the stars knows my position.  To know that he is The Best Possible Thing and ...

Some of my most intense prayer moments have been whilst hiding in a bathroom stall, asking God to get me through the next five hours.  You ever been there?  Dreading leaving a bathroom stall?  Near tears?  That was me today. Temp jobs come in waves and after a dry spell, I had the opportunity to work somewhere just for the afternoon.  I had to pray myself together, simultaneously thanking God for the chance to earn some money and serve people while at the same time begging him for strength to get through without a breakdown.  I felt guilty and unappreciative.  I felt like a spoiled bratty wuss.  But I can't change the way I feel.  I mustered up a smile and B+ attitude in that stall and prayed that God would help my perspective, but I felt so heavy inside.  That's odd for me.  I'm usually pretty chill, but today I felt like my insides weighed a ton.  It's like that anxious first-day-on-the-job feeling every day.  Only mor...

Well, the blogging in college thing didn't work out.  Turns out that the last thing you want to do when you spend 25 hours a day writing papers is to write more... But as I've been pursuing avenues for my writing, I've discovered with increasing panic that I need what is referred to as a "platform." Oh, dear. This could be a problem. Several publishers even want a link to your blog.  I haven't had a blog in like...eight years.  Thusly, I have begun again in the attempt to see what I write about.  No one even needs to know it's here, really...I mean, unless they check my blogging traffic, it doesn't really matter.  All that matters is that I write about the anythings that populate my head and see what patterns are there. I guess that'll be my platform.  And then the publishers can come here and see it.  And probably not want me...but at least if they do, they'll know what they're getting into.  Otherwise, Clubhouse, Jr. will never kn...